still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
