Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
