Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
