Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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