All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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