There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He passed out mid-signature
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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