I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
