i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
