You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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