i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
