Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
