The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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