For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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