There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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