I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
