Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
