Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
