Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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