Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
