I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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