if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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