one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
