I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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