i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
