i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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