Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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