Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
