Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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