Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
