Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
