That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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