I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry my hands just texted you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
