I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have post one night stand depression
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize