whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
