I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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