A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
