I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
