i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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