Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
