i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
