i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my being single is dangerous.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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