Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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