Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
God, I missed his penis.
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