The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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