new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
