The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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