remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
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I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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