Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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