Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
