Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
