He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
