just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Farmville is her only friend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
