I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
