From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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