fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
