i think i have two assholes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
