My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
