it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
