Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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