yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
