your parents love me but you hate me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
